Asking
by writingmonkey10
Summary: "Ask me," his silence begged. "Ask me what's wrong." A one shot based on Funvee's 'Thunder Wars'


**I have NEVER written a one shot. Ever. So let's see how good I am at this.**

**This one was inspired by **Funvee's**, **"Thunder Wars"**. If you haven't already, go check it out because it's great! **

**Enjoy!**

**Asking**

Pepper was nervous to see him, which was a frightening notion in itself. After working for the man for ten years there was very little left for him to do that would cause her to be surprised or even slightly worried. There was always that apprehension that lingered, never sure what it was he was about to do (or not do), but there had never been the anxiety she felt now.

Things would change, she knew that much. Things had to change after being held captive for three months in the hands of terrorists. But to what degree?

She wasn't used to change – not like this. Pepper could deal with his spontaneity, recklessness and impulsiveness but to her, those aspects always remained constant.

When he walked up to her, Rhodey at his side to support him, all of this truly dawned on her.

Then, "You're eyes are red. Few tears for your long lost boss?"

And that slowly forming smirk on his face – the kind of smirk which was really a smile he was trying to contain; the one that made his right eye twinkle mischievously as if he knew something you didn't. And the one that told Pepper that her boss for ten years was still here, not abandoned back in a cave in Afghanistan.

"Tears of joy," she answered smoothly. "I hate job hunting."

"Yeah, well, vacation's over," he told her getting into the car.

But once they were both seated, she noticed that the look she had just seen had already disappeared. He looked straight ahead, waiting for Happy to start the car but all the while she couldn't help but realize how lost he looked. As if he had just remembered something that reminded him that he had no reason to be happy.

"Where to, Sir?"

"Take us to the hospital, Happy-" she started, unable to erase such an expression from her mind.

"No," he answered simply. And even as she tried to explain herself, he continued to remain adamant. "No, I don't _have_ to do anything," he told her stubbornly. "I've been in captivity for three months. But there are two things I _want_ to do. I want an American cheeseburger." A pause, as if to prove he was serious. "Alright, and then the other-"

_Jesus Christ, Tony_. "That's enough of that," she told him, trying not to roll her eyes to show her disgust. Though deep down, she tried to suppress sigh of relief. She knew how to handle a Tony Stark looking for quick lay and even though she didn't approve, it was normalcy to some strange extent. Something she could understand and deal with in her own way. Pepper couldn't help but realize how ridiculous her own logic was but it was the best she could do at this point.

She was also wrong.

"It's not what you think, I want you to call for a press conference now."

Spontaneity – but a different spontaneity. He was taking a more responsible approach, and that wasn't what she was used to.

"A press conference? What on Earth for?"

But she was overruled. "Happy, drive," Tony instructed obstinately. "Cheeseburger first."

The erratic switches between the smiling Tony who asked for cheeseburgers and the Tony who would occasionally stare off into space lost in his own world caught her off guard. Of all the people Tony knew, Pepper was probably one of the few who knew that Tony _did_ enjoy his own quiet time. And he would spend it in the shop downstairs, completely isolated.

But the isolation she would find him in now was different.

It was almost as if he completely lacked a Circadian Rhythm, going to bed at two in the afternoon – a record even for him, only to wake up just a few hours later. It was as if he wasn't used to the sun directing his sleeping habits.

And _where_ he slept – sometimes on the couch, other times in the shop. Once she found him asleep in the bathroom, a towel laid over him as if it was completely normal.

She knew he was eccentric, but this was odd – even for him.

Yet, she said nothing, refusing to ever bring it up, not entirely sure how to. This was new territory – past the point of eccentricity and quirkiness. She wasn't sure what to make of the new man that had come through the front door.

_He's coping_, she would tell herself. _In his own way_. And it certainly wasn't a hindrance. He was more interested than ever in his company now, monitoring shipments, checking records – and of course his extended time in the shop was proof that he – that _Tony_ was still somewhere in there.

She didn't know _what_ he was working on – not quite yet. But Pepper was noticing the little things – the ticks that no one else would have ever noticed, not even Rhodey.

His long musings were the one of the first things she noticed. Tony, unable to sit down, Tony always moving, always restless, ADD Tony - that's who everyone saw. That was the person everyone else expected to see. And when out in public, Tony played the part so well she nearly believed it herself. But then she would remember often walking into the workshop to find him just _staring_. He'd be sitting on the couch in the shop; leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands formed a fist just over his lips. Thinking, contemplating, musing whatever word you preferred. But to see him like that frightened Pepper because she could easily tell that he was thinking about something he could never change.

And when she made her presence known, he would stand up to deal with whatever it was he had to take care of. Sign this, I need your approval for that, Obadiah's upstairs. He'd take care of the problem wordlessly, without the quick and meaningless banter she was used to. And afterwards, she would silently leave and he would continue to bask in the silence.

And Pepper quickly noticed that she was the only person to see him like that; frightfully serene and embracing regret and loneliness. If anyone else was around, he'd quickly don his façade and pretend all was well in the Stark Mansion but when he was with her…it was almost as if he _allowed_ her to see his weakness. And his eyes…

She was used to the warmth in his hearth like eyes. And when he was pissed at a member of the board, the fire blazed behind the warm brown, hardening threateningly. But at times now – his eyes were just empty, full of nothingness.

_Ask me_, his silence begged_. Ask me what's wrong_.

The silence will pass, Pepper told herself.

And so she never asked.

But there were the other aspects that she found impossible to ignore. Despite the periods of silence, he was often restless – but in an entirely different way.

The twitching – she couldn't pretend it wasn't there. His hands weren't as steady as they once were and his fingers would jump from one thing to the next, looking for something to fiddle with mindlessly in hopes that if he kept his mind busy enough, he would forget.

But what worried her most was what happened whenever he was startled. Even by the smallest things. The first time the phone rang he just about jumped out of his skin.

And he would never lock the doors. Whenever she opened a locked door, his back would straighten and she'd find him staring at the door, as if ready to make a run for it or attack on just a moment's notice.

He left the lights on in the living area when he finally started sleeping in his own room.

He started drinking coffee. Tony hated coffee.

He always knew the time even though it didn't seem to matter when he fell asleep. The Tony she remembered never knew what _day_ it was, let alone the time.

He drank more – because now he had a reason to.

Women never stepped foot in the house.

And it had only been two weeks.

_Ask me. Ask me what's wrong_.

But still, she never did, fearful. This man was different – she would have traded this responsible shell of a man any day for the eccentric pain she had once known before.

She missed him. And she felt certain she would never find him again. He was too distant now, so detached.

Their banter remained once in a while – when she was so sure the Tony Stark she remembered was back. Those moments where she noted his satisfied smirk, and he _was_ a little difficult. And she thought, _maybe…_

But those moments disappeared just as quickly as they came. And no one could see it. No one except for her.

_Ask me. Ask me what's wrong_.

And as the days went by, she ignored those unsaid words, slowly seeping into the back of her mind. Until the day came that she no longer heard the silent whispers.

That particular day, he had fallen asleep on the couch again – at four in the afternoon. By now, she was used to seeing him asleep at the oddest times though it still tugged at her heart. Still, she walked up to him, in need of a signature before she covered for him at a meeting.

And the closer she came to him, the more apparent it became that something else was wrong.

He lay on his side, facing her. His breathing was slow and even and every now and then his lip would twitch as it always did – something that always made her smile for some reason. The only indication that his sleep wasn't as restful as it appeared were the beads of sweat on his brow dripping past his face. His entire face was damp and when she placed her hand on his cheek, she finally noticed the trembling.

She dropped the stack of papers in her hand and ran to find a dry washcloth. When she came back she gently dabbed at his face, trying to wake him up. "Tony...Tony, wake up…" she pleaded, pushing his shoulder. But the more she tried to wake him, the more restless he became – twitching, his breathing becoming increasingly ragged. She couldn't bear seeing him like this. She couldn't ignore this.

"Tony!" she yelled a little louder, wanting nothing more than for him to wake up.

And he did. He inhaled quickly, as if he had been holding his breath and as he awoke, she saw his bloodshot, red eyes hinting that he'd been caught in the nightmare for hours now.

But what tore her heart the most were his hands

The first thing he did as he took in that first breath was raise up both of his arms and hold the back of his head with his hands, his eyes darting from one thing to the next as if searching for something. Pepper's hands froze, watching him for just a moment as the meaning of the gesture hit home; it was a gesture of defeat that meant "I surrender", "I'm unarmed" and worse, "Don't hurt me".

"Tony, it's okay…you're okay," she told him, drying his face. Slowly, he retracted his hands and his breathing found a shaky stability. But Pepper couldn't erase the honest terror she had seen on his face and she couldn't forget the unmistakable gesture of surrender he had just made. And for the millionth time since he had come back from Afghanistan, she asked herself, _What happened there_? What memories were now finally resurfacing through his dreams? What had happened that was keeping him from moving on? What was he finding impossible to forget?

He sat up, refusing to meet her gaze and he gestured for the papers she had brought for him to sign. And again, Pepper noticed the trembling in his hand.

And she heard the whisper she had once ignored.

_Ask me. Ask me what's wrong_.

"Are you okay?" she asked, unable to mask her worry.

"I'm fine," he told her, finally looking up at her, as if to reassure her.

Why was he so good at that? At fooling her into thinking that everything really was fine when it obviously wasn't?

She refused to give him the papers. And she asked her question. "Tony…what happened?"

She wasn't expecting an answer, but she wanted him to know that she wasn't going to ignore his silent pleas for help. She was here if he needed her, and Pepper wanted him to know that.

But to her surprise, he _did_ give her an answer. And he told her everything.

He told her about Yinsen, the man who had died so Tony could live.

He told her that the initial device that had been implanted into his chest had been a magnet connected to car battery.

That he wasn't completely unconscious when the magnet had been surgically implanted into his chest.

About the soldiers in the humvee that he had joked around with in one moment, and in the next second had been killed in front of him.

That when he had refused to build their missile, the terrorists had resorted to water torture.

During those three months, he'd only been outside twice.

That even now, he didn't know whom he could trust.

Pepper wanted to tell him that he could trust her, but she realized that the fact that he had chosen to confide in her was proof that he already knew that. And as she listened, images of Tony, _her_ Tony, in these situations crept into her mind. He had always trusted her, and that was why he was telling her all this now. Because he didn't know whom to tell, and because he knew she would never betray him.

They never talked about the things he said that day or what had happened in Afghanistan. But she saw the twitches and his uncertainties disappear and watched as he slowly found himself again, watched as he was finally able to let go and move on. His eccentricity remained, if not became even more entrenched in him and she was finally clued in on the new weapon-ized suit he was working on (granted she only found out about it when she walked in on him trying to take it off). But now when he smiled, the twinkle was there, and when he smirked, she knew for a fact it was an honest one. He wasn't as fearful as he had been and his confidence returned. _Tony_ had returned.

And it wouldn't be until almost a full year later that he would truthfully admit what had terrified him those first few weeks he had come back.

"I thought you had forgotten me."

Pepper was silent when he told her that, unable to understand what would give him such an idea. But then she remembered that though she had initially worried for him, she had watched him suffer alone because she didn't know what else to do. It was the suffering _alone_ that terrified him more than anything else.

"You'll never be alone."

**Read and Review please. :)**


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